What Martians think happens when you die.

Take heed oh weary travelers through this journey that you call life! I know what awaits you on the other side and it isn't pretty. Need I remind you of how much your life is based in a corporeal form? When you die, you leave your body behind. Your body, you nit wits, is the only reason that there is language, as language requires the physical world. Do you enjoy smells? You leave your nose behind when you are finished with this world. Sight? Ha! You have no eyes.

You don't even get to take your name with you. We keep that for your grave.

So what awaits you? Do you expect me to say nothing? No! Not nothing! Do you expect me to say astral projection of some sort? No! Not that, anything but that!

Will you be judged when you die? By whom? God? He exists outside space and time! What makes you think when you die you should be so lucky? You think that's heaven, he's trapped on the outside looking in! Wasting your time with trivial ideologies that any idiot could have come up with! Don't kill people? Love is good, not love is bad? Please, we had those before God started messing around with us, we will have them long after he get's bored and fucks around with the Martians.

Not that there are Martians, nor am I a Martian...don't be alarmed.

Okay. I'm a Martian. Still, don't you want to know what is left for you on the other side? What do you do with all of that left over energy?

Let me tell you right now. Just give me five dollars and I will tell you.

Okay, I'll tell you anyways, but travelling on a spaceship all the way here to tell you the secrets of what happens after you die is well worth five dollars. After, after, always after. Humans.

I said that you can't leave space and time with your energy, but what makes you think that your universe is the only want that you are living in? Did you not know the power of your choices, quantum physics states that every time you make a decision you create a new universe, not just for yourself, but for every human being on the planet.

Now! What if I were to tell you that you're excess energy that is your life forces, is connected to each and every parallel universe, and while this physical conscious state remains to your perception continuous, your subconscious is constantly connect to all of the other parallel worlds.

Yes! Now your dreams make sense, this is the part of the universe that we already knew of, Jungian archetypes and what not!

So. When you die, you simply go return to your subconscious where you are experiencing absolutely every single possible life that you could have. And more! Think about it. Think about how many people have been alive while you've been alive. We're talking over an average life span of over a hundred billion people!

A hundred billion people, and each and every choice leads to a different universe! And when you die you get to experience each one of them!

You don't believe me? Well that's fine. Kill yourself and find out! It doesn't matter, there's a you that lives on and chose not to? Don't kill yourself? That's fine! There's a you out there that did. Each time you choose something, there is a universe where you did the opposite, and one where you did it in between. You live them all, you never die! You live on in parallel states! And when it's over.

Well, bad news kids. It's over. I'm sure you'll be glad of it though! After going through every life. That's beyond sanity! That's overwhelming, but I promise you that it is, in fact, one hundred percent true!

You're welcome! Five dollars! Come on! I just gave you salvation that doesn't sound entirely like bullshit! Would you rather it be nothing? Or that you have to hang out with angels and serve some all knowing prick you sees his own role as that to judge you. Do you really want to spend a free life, only to be reborn into bondage. Even a happy slave is still a slave!

My truth offers no bowing down to any man, woman, or child! Or God, gods and...gods. Sorry, I was on a roll there and I got a little tongue tied.

So please, give me five dollars, this idea is remarkably hard to sell, even though you people will normally swallow anything. I spit at thee humans! I want to buy a beer and none of you will even bother giving me five dollars for a beer. I could invade you all right now with my spaceship and make you all slaves now!

In fact, that means that in a parallel universe, I DID! Ha! Enjoy reliving that one you smug bastards.

Who threw that? Why? Why would you throw a banana at me? Is a banana worth five dollars you sack of shit! Is it? In a parallel universe it is! Well, probably not many, At least one though! Not this one though is it. You ungrateful lot. You sorry excuses for sentient beings!

Don't go! Please, I have more! Think of how now you know every time that you are lazy in this life, you weren't in another? Think of it, each day that you mindlessly watched Doctor Who or Game of Thrones for a full forty eight hours, you forced a parallel you to get off your ass and make something of yourself! In a parallel universe you're all giving me money and making me a millionaire! I hope you know that!

Oh please, just five dollars for a beer? I'm not really a Martian, and it's a good idea.

Isn't it? Don't you think it is? Wait! I have an idea. Choose whether or not it is. For yourself.

Choose.